Feb
12
Dostoevsky, human beings, inability to create interesting titles.
February 12, 2009 | Tagged dostoevsky | Leave a Comment
Been reading Dostoevsky recently–just finished Crime and Punishment last night; loved it so so so much. It sounds strange, but even though I’d read The Idiot last semester and enjoyed it, I somehow was expecting to have more trouble with Crime and Punishment, or enjoy it less, or something. But I didn’t, and in fact it reassured me. I’ve been wondering if I burned myself out on reading–maybe permanently, even–since I’ve been having more and more trouble concentrating on it. One of the potential pitfalls of being a student of literature I guess. But Crime and Punishment grabbed me with the sort of brute strength books only seemed to have when I was in elementary school, reading them surreptitiously (or so I thought) under my desk, in my lap. And then, of course, with the same monster grip, it began beating me violently. Sounds bad, but I mean it–I felt physically run through the wringer after reading this book, but (fittingly?) in a very cathartic way.
One thing about Dostoevsky, something I am learning to pry into and to adore, is quite simply his characters. There is no character in Crime and Punishment who is not fascinating, human, and in some way deeply likable. Both Svidrigailov and Raskolnikov himself are twisted, selfish, vile men, and yet (in my experience, at least) both deeply understandable. Svidrigailov, admittedly, is less sympathetic than tormented Raskolnikov, but I found myself genuinely liking both characters despite that. Sonya and Dunya, Razumikhin, Porfiry–all the characters are, above all, terribly human. There are no boring characters, no characters who don’t in some way ring true. Even Ganya of The Idiot, designated by some as the “mediocre” character, is far from boring.
Somehow this all hooks up with the way I’ve been feeling recently. Last semester wasn’t so good; gloomy, lonely, frustrating and discontenting. Since I’ve been back this semester, it’s been better. Classes are–well, okay, they’re frustrating, but it’s the challenging, demanding kind of frustrating. Things are lightening. (And, of course, the weather’s a helping hand; I wandered around a t-shirt and flipflops today at 9pm, completely comfortable.) After Dostoevsky (rather: the start of Dostoevsky; I have three more books of his to read this semester, and others queued for summer), I’m beginning to be able to put into words what has been breaking my heart so recently. Put simply: people. I am surrounded daily with people who I don’t quite feel I measure up to; it’s humbling and a little frightening and often encourages me to put my foot in my mouth (where it spends most of its time). It’s an improvement, of course, but at the same time it’s sometimes jarring the way the thoughts strike me. Because people, though never quite so extraordinary (hyperreal? I think there must be another word I am looking for) as Dostoevsky’s characters, are pretty stunning.
I’m in four classes this semester, and they’re all making me sweat. I have three professors for those four classes, but I’m constantly running into other professors and professionals, whether I’ve had class with them or know them another way, and it still sort of startles me that I, as a student, am given leave to bother these people about my thoughts, opinions, etc. It sounds obvious, I know, but it’s a hefty responsibility when you think about it.
Or maybe I just think too much.
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